Mariah Carey in Rock Hall Would Seem Like Reason to Shutter It – The American Spectator | USA News and PoliticsThe American Spectator

The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is about as rock ‘n’ roll as Wilford Brimley.

It inducts this month to its crass cash scam 14 nominated acts, to include the talented but not-rock Mariah Carey, which inspires a revision of the recycled line used above: the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is about as rock ‘n’ roll as Mariah Carey.

She’s got me feeling emotions.

Chubby Checker, who lamely parlayed one profoundly catchy, truly great song into a succession of 150-second sonic gimmicks, also received a nomination.

Should the Baseball Hall of Fame induct Joe Charboneau into its ranks, too?

The nomination of something called Mana evokes the question: Does a band whose songs escape most ears really belong in a Hall of Fame? Possibly the band belongs in a Hall of Great. Nobody who speaks English can answer that question because nobody who speaks English can hum, let alone sing, a Mana song. On the other hand, band members call Donald Trump a racist and support the Zapatista Army of National Liberation, and the right slogans rather than the right songs often unleash critical acclaim.

Soundgarden belted out this number. The Black Crowes sounded as though The Faces and The Rolling Stones had a baby, with the latter band accusing the former of infidelity with Humble Pie. In Phish, as in Psmith, the “p” is silent. Joe Cocker sang other people’s songs, but John Belushi sang Joe Cocker singing other people’s songs better.

At least Bad Company, in contrast to category-mistake nominee Outkast, played rock music. But truth in advertising would have compelled them to pull a Grand Funk Railroad by dropping the last word of their name. “Feel Like Makin’ Love” strikes as the sonic equivalent of drinking a warm Schlitz while sporting peach fuzz that identifies as a mustache in an A&P parking lot.

For those who think otherwise, a digital ballot exists. It acts, like voting in November, more as catharsis than as the decider, though (vote here … or not!). My ballot, if I did not need to provide personal information to cast it, would probably include…

Nominee Billy Idol is rock ‘n’ roll. His heretofore absence from this club serves as the most compelling evidence that the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame isn’t very rock ‘n’ roll. Institutions sporting the ampersand — H&R Block, Crate & Barrel, those t-shirts that say things like Phoebe&Chandler&Rachel&Ross&Monica&Chandler — rarely are.

Oasis, too, is rock ‘n’ roll. This song proves it.

Cyndi Lauper looked the part. She skated that pop edge of rock ‘n’ roll. In “All Through the Night” (Jules Shear), “When You Were Mine” (Prince), and “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” (Robert Hazard), she showed her good taste in songs. From 2025, it seems preposterous that anyone who lived through 1984 imagined Lauper rather than Madonna as the one who would emerge when the clock reached midnight on the 1980s as still Cinderella at the ball. From the perspective of 1984, the idea that sexpot Madonna rather than the more talented singer Lauper would outlast the decade as a hitmaker seemed as the less plausible bet.

The hall nominates Joy Division/New Order as essentially one band. The former’s “Love Will Tear Us Apart,” a snide rejoinder to Captain & Tennille’s (there’s that ampersand) “Love Will Keep Us Together,” set the template, in music more than mood, for the 1980s. And then, as if to say, my work here is done, Ian Curtis undertook the ultimate mic-drop moment weeks before its release. The remaining members carried on as New Order, releasing “Ceremony,” “Bizarre Love Triangle,” “Regret,” “Waiting for the Siren’s Call,” and much else.

The White Stripes wrote the ultimate loud, sports-stadium anthem and the ultimate quiet, first-day-of-school soundtrack. That deserves some type of recognition, no?

Unlike sports, music is not a competition. So, the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame comes across as a non-sequitur. The lucre-loving impulse behind this nonprofit (which remains a profitable field for so many) finds a challenge in that the genre it hails no longer commands a massive fan base. To stay pure to rock ‘n’ roll, the hall would need to morph into a niche institution. To stay committed to popularity and cash, the hall would need to debauch the meaning of “Rock & Roll,” admit unworthy acts, and mine the past for ever more obscure bands and impactful but fleeting performers. It does all three, even if this year features more worthy inductees than in recent years.

People who put awopbopaloobopalopbamboom in a museum know capitalism. They do not know rock ‘n’ roll.

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